There’s a word for it. Bittersweet. Their music has that quality in and of itself, and personally that’s how I relate to it. My good friend Leslie played one of their songs for me in 2007 and I was hooked right way. I was in the midst of my awful, guilt-inducing, mistake-ridden, alcohol-soaked divorce and their somewhat tortured, heavy, yet beautiful and somehow hopeful lyrics spoke to me in just the right way that helped me wallow in my misery and lifted me up at the same time.
I listened to their album, Foiled, over and over again by myself on my lonely back porch out at the lake. I drank way, way too much and tried to forgive myself for breaking up my marriage, thereby cutting in half my time with my daughter. Their song Hate Me was kind of a personal anthem at the time. It pretty much encapsulated the self-induced pain I was in during what seemed like an interminable amount of time, but was actually just a blip.
But there were good times listening to Blue October, too. I got to see them play at Lollapalooza and at Jannus Landing with good friends and we had a blast. I have great memories of partying with friends with their music as the soundtrack.
Happy and sad.
Looking back now, 6 years later, 5-and-a-half-years sober, it’s hard to see any of it as bad. It’s just what I had to do to get here. I learned a lot about who I did and did not want to be, how I wanted to live my life.
And time heals. I have a good, friendly working relationship with Callie’s dad, a wonderful, happy relationship with Callie, and a promising, healthy new love in my life.
I got to take that new love to see Blue October last Friday at Jannus Landing. Dave was game for getting up as close to the stage as we could and staying there the whole time. I really like that about him. He’s up for fun and doesn’t complain about anything. What a keeper.
It was my first time seeing them since 2008 and they are in excellent form. Justin is an intense and totally captivating performer. He is definitely doing what he was put on this earth to do and that is a beautiful thing to watch. The rest of the band is amazing, too. There are so many layers to what is going on onstage that it’s hard to take it all in at once. (Especially when you are trying to avoid getting burned with cigarettes and trampled by other enthusiastic audience members–but that’s just the bad that you have to take with the good to have the up-close experience. I’d only do it for them.)
Their new album, Sway, has some fantastic songs on it. It’s a little more redemption and renewal focused than past albums and fits my current frame of mind perfectly. But it still has that edge that I love, that undercurrent of darkness running through it that reminds me of where I was, and makes me appreciate how far I’ve come.