Come. Laugh at my half-baked, botched hair experiment

My hair feels like it is made of hay and I currently have no working shower to wash/condition it with. Bad decision after bad decision got me to this place.

Not fully thinking things through before I act. I do that now-and-again.

You know how when you are going to dye your hair at home and the box cautions you to do a strand test on a tiny, hidden piece of hair so that if it comes out some ungodly color you can start over without anyone being the wiser.?

Well…I’ve never been a “strand test” kind of girl.

Despite that analogy, the straw hair thing doesn’t actually have anything to do with hair dye.

It has to do with a movement that I’ve seen all over Pinterest lately called “no-poo”. It’s not a constipation thing, that stands for No Sham-poo.

I’ve been reading all sorts of posts about women using baking soda to wash their hair and vinegar as conditioner. It’s natural, cheap, and supposedly cleans all the years of chemical shampoo/conditioner residue out of your hair, leaving you looking like a 1970′s Breck girl ad.

Something like this:

Breck girl, no-poo fail

Unfortunately I did it wrong, so right now my hair looks more like this:

Medusa, no-poo fail

See the resemblance? 

Steph, medusa

I think where I started to go wrong was not actually knowing the correct ratio of baking soda to water. I just grabbed the box and headed upstairs. And, to make matters worse, I didn’t even bother bringing the vinegar for the conditioner part because, of course, this was a half-cocked, half-assed plan, so why would I bring ALL of the necessary ingredients? That would make too much sense.

So, I dumped about a half box’s worth of baking soda in my hair (you’re supposed to use a tablespoon), and proceeded to just really grind it all in there. It had roughly the consistency of newly mixed concrete. Light and fluffy it was not!

I rinsed and rinsed but it didn’t get much better. I threw a little regular (poison-y chemical!) conditioner in there, but that didn’t improve the situation much, so I finally gave up and settled for the tangly tumbleweeds that I now call my hair.

The extra-dumb part that I haven’t told you yet is that I had to get out of the shower as quickly as possible because a slow leak has developed behind the wall of the bathtub and has recently started dripping through to the first floor ceiling below. This was to be my last shower before the plumber came to diagnose and (hopefully) fix the problem.

Smart, right? Rational people always decide to (half-assedly) try radical, untested Pinterest no-poo hair cleansing methods right before having their water supply shut off. Genius!

You might be asking, don’t you have another shower you could use while that one’s out of order? Welllllll, yes, I do. But that one has been out of order for a couple months. Let me share my white trash explanation with you.

What had happened was…My financial situation has been a little precarious since I got laid off from my job down at the fact’ry. Just kidding. It was a very glamorous wood-grinder company job that I got laid off from.

(I recently started a great new job that I LOVE, by the way, but that really doesn’t match the tone of the rest of this story, so we’ll leave it for another time.)

Anyway, my budget has been a little tight, and since I had one working shower, spending the $200-300 to fix the other one got moved down the priority list. A couple times.

In retrospect, probably another not-so-great decision, because now I get to fix them both at the same time! Hooray!

Oh well. My hair will get washed at someone else’s house as soon as I get done typing this and hopefully no lasting damage has been done from my little experiment. I might even try a do-over once I have a reliable water source (and after I thoroughly read and understand the procedure).

Hopefully my tale of dimwitted foolhardiness has made you feel better about any slight mistake or poor decision you might have made today. Feel free to point and laugh. :-)

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6 thoughts on “Come. Laugh at my half-baked, botched hair experiment

  1. I laughed and laughed. But truly — tho’ it’s a cliché — with you, not at you. With you and me and everyone else who, on occasion, does a World Championship series of bad decisions. At least it’s hair, not a tattoo. Hair grows, can be cut. And I do like the colour. (Used to be my natural colour, before I became what I refer to as “naturally Arctic blonde.”)

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